I wish I had another day to see my daddy's smile.
Four years ago I lost my father. He became ill with pneumonia around Thanksgiving of 2015. After being hospitalized, he had gotten better and things were fine. He then fell ill again around Christmas 2015. The doctors said he had pneumonia again. During his hospital stay the doctors then diagnosed him with Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. Things from there progressively got worst very fast. The doctor's stated he needed a lung transplant in order to live. Once he arrived at the transplant center and additional test were ran they determined that he was not a good candidate for a lung transplant due to issues with his liver. I was so heartbroken. Our family had to make a decision to keep him alive on the ventilator with no quality of life or remove him and let nature take its course. It was the hardest decision we had to make but it was the best.
The day he passed, I held his hand as he took his last breath. I felt like I wanted die. It still hurts as much today as it did on that day four years ago. I could cry a million tears and the pain would still be present. I was his baby girl. His Poompsey Loompsey or Poon (his nicknames for me) to be exact. My daddy was the first earthly man that ever loved me. The first man that gave me unconditional love without wanting anything in return. The man that fussed at me when I needed disciplining.
My daddy wasn’t perfect but that never stopped him from loving his family. He loved holidays. I remember on Christmas and Father's Day he would literally cry if we gave him something as small as cufflinks or tie as a gift. He would go to church and show off all the he received from his girls. He gave the kind of love that was stern but it was the only way he knew how to show love to us. Receiving that kind of love from my father gave me a tough shell that I've been trying to break down my entire life. However, I wish I had one more day to thank him for lessons he taught me, always being there and always loving me unconditionally.
Have you ever lost a loved one or a parent? I know it is tough and through a lot of therapy and soul searching some days are better than others for me personally. Self-care is also important after a loss. You will be better able to process your grief if you don’t hide from your feelings, thoughts, and memories. Take good care of yourself by eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising, and taking time to grieve and rest. Be patient with yourself and with your grieving loved ones. Grieving is a personal process, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Seek help!
I love and I miss you daddy. RIH Daddy!
In loving memory of my father Deacon Alfonso N. Lee
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